Tag Archives: Drug Addiction

No Easy Day With Addictions: “A Donut…Really?”

By Jennifer Miller

Jennifer Miller SerenityThe term “tough love” is often used when dealing with loved ones who are battling addictions, and it is often “tough” to know when to detach and let them go. My youngest son has been in and out rehabs as a minor and, now, as an adult at 19, reached out to me for help in getting into a recovery program.

“There are no decisions; there is only interaction with what is in front of you. Decisions come because you have attachments, desires, and fears. The only thing that will help you is to let go…”

Michael Singer, from “The Untethered Soul”

Ultimately, letting them go will help them “save themselves”. Fixing and constantly rescuing will only enable. Letting go is the hardest thing a parent can do. But an honest request for help must be listened to. So I got him into a 30-day detox and recovery program and prayed that he would welcome sobriety.

I have learned to expect the unexpected with addicts, and, sure enough, after just a few days, his father arrived with a donut… The man has not been a part of his children’s lives for years, and now suddenly appears AFTER his son goes into recovery and brings him a donut.

Contact Jennifer Miller at yogagoddesslaguna@yahoo.com

Contact Jennifer Miller at yogagoddesslaguna@yahoo.com

I felt anger but knew I had to take the higher road. I used breath control to calm my mind and soothe the wound that reopened in my heart. As I bring food to my son later that week, I thought how humorous it would be to bring a dozen donuts. But healthy granola bars, fruit, nuts, toiletries, clothes and books will have to do.

An addicts journey is ultimately their own, but if burdens loved ones with its ups and downs and…craziness.  I pray that I can remain strong for my family, and hopefully give others the courage to remain hopeful and make the right choices during times of struggle.

Namaste, Jennifer Miller

Sadness And Reflection On The Ravages Of Addiction At The Recovery House

By Jennifer Miller

Jennifer Miller PrayerI walked in and immediately noticed that there were several girls missing at the Recovery Home. When I was told that they had used and left the program, a wave of sadness and reality washed over me. One of them had been in the last trimester of her pregnancy, and was on bed rest due to early labor. She loved the meditation portion of our sessions and would lay on a couch and hold one of the newborn children. Everything about her convinced me she would be a nurturing mother.

Rational minds will never understand the impossible draw of the disease of addiction. This woman was excited about the future and the birth of her child while in recovery. I never saw signs that she would use. With some of the girls, I felt an increase in negative energy and knew that they were losing their battle to stay clean. Now she was on the street.

It is so difficult to remain detached and unemotionally involved. These girls have opened up their hearts and their world to me.

One of the new girls remarked that the last time she was in rehab, the yoga teacher didn’t allow talking. But healing can only come about by opening up. Meditation is the time to be silent.

Jennifer Miller Email Logo

yogagoddesslaguna@yahoo.com

From the first day of teaching and mentoring these young women, I came in with an open mind and heart. They felt accepted and were not judged by me.  It is my Dharma to support these women and their families through these devastating times of addiction. I have been there and felt how alone you can feel as my ex-husband and two sons battled addictions.

If you need support through a time of transition and struggle, know that I can be on your team. You are not alone.

Namaste, Jennifer Miller

Bringing The Mind And Heart Together “As One” For Healing To Begin At The Recovery House

By Jennifer Miller

Monday morning with the girls at the Recovery House was a time for true reflection. I have observed that there has been much less drama with this group than I have seen at other rehab centers. It has been very satisfying to hear from many that the yoga sessions have provided a calming and positive energy. I have turned it around to teach them of the importance of having the support of their “tribe”, women who truly care about them. In addition, many are mothers and have had their babies and children with them as they heal.

I looked around and didn’t see one of the regulars and asked where she was. There had been an incident and the police were called. My heart went out to her and I told the girls that I had felt her energy change last week. When she first arrived, she had been very low coming into rehab with a heroin addiction.

But I immediately saw a transformation take place as the yoga asanas had given her confidence, allowing for her to start believing in herself. She told me that she would continue yoga when she left.

But then I sensed her her energy shift back to a very low state last week when she asked to practice behind me, not wanting to be seen. I could feel her slipping away when I made attempts to reach inside her soul to bring her back…the drug was calling her.

The girls responded with comments that were very surprising and interesting:

Could I be honest with them and tell them if I felt them slipping?

Of course I would, feeling that honesty is so important to their recovery. Several went on to say that much of what is said in the house has ulterior motives. But with me, they sense and know that I care and feel safe being honest.

I feel in my heart that many in the room will continue practicing yoga and meditation when they leave. I have learned so much during my time with these young women. I felt hatred towards “addictions” based on how it had hurt and ravaged my family.

But if we meet the negative energy of addictions with an open heart, we can transform it into love. I would never have believed it until it happened to me.

Caroline Myss has spoken about addictions and says that it is “the hardest love you will ever experience”.

It’s like loving someone with a sword in their hand, and it is pointed right at you..

You love their heart, but it is their mind that is lost is not connected. The mind

Contact Jennifer Miller at yogagoddesslaguna@yahoo.com

and the heart must be brought together to become “one”. There can be no separation between the two if healing can begin. We have  to learn to speak our truth and honor what is in our hearts.

Namaste, Jennifer Miller

A Time For Reflection And Prayer On Life-Long Struggles With Addictions At The Recovery House

By Jennifer Miller

I arrived Monday morning at the Recovery House with “lululemon” yoga mats to present to the girls. IT FELT SO GOOD! Most of them have so few material possessions now and they were thrilled to have something new and special to call their own.

After the yoga session, I spent some time with the Recovery Home director and she spoke of her 32 years of recovery. I was able to tell her of my experiences with addictions and recovery in the last 20 years with my ex-husband and two sons. She was surprised as she looked at me and remarked that I did not look like I had been “through it”.

This conversation highlighted the fact that addictions affects many of us, either directly or indirectly, in all walks of life. As a young woman 25 years ago, I would never have dreamed that I would be working with women in recovery and that this disease would be such a large part of my life. I still have trouble with how difficult it is for my family and friends to understand and be there emotionally for me. But when you have two children either struggling or dying from a disease, the importance of a support group is never greater as the feeling of isolation can be overwhelming.

People tend to dismiss addictions as something that could never affect THEM.  “Alcoholism” is an addiction, yet it is clearly viewed differently than other “substance abuse” addictions. My ex-husband told me he was an “alcoholic” before we were married, and I attended an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting to learn more. I read books and articles on the subject.

I remember being so shocked at the meeting when a speaker shared her story of heroin addiction and homelessness. I had no idea at the time what would eventually unfold.

Contact Jennifer Miller at yogagoddesslaguna@yahoo.com

When a woman marries an addict, her sons have a 70% or greater chance of becoming addicts according to one Betty Ford study. Both of my sons now battle the disease, with one celebrating his third year of sobriety and the other not yet ready enter recovery and accept its life-saving principles. I am stronger now than I was three years ago, and I pray for my second son and all who find themselves overcome by alcohol and substance abuse addictions.

Namaste, Jennifer Miller

“Focusing Minds To Being Present In The Moment To Honor The Body” At The Recovery House

By Jennifer Miller

Urdhva Kukkutasana

I can feel the positive and upbeat energy as I enter the Recovery House to be with ’The Girls”. The veterans, who have improved greatly during our sessions, along with three new girls, are excited and ready to go.One of the ladies, a recovering heroin addict who joined us for the first time last week, was all smiles. I looked at her as she stretched and said:

 “Yes! How good does that feel?”

I have observed, in my own practice and now with these women in recovery, that the ancient art of yoga has a primal, and even mystical effect on people.

There are many different yoga schools and philosophies today, but they all are based on the discipline of quieting the mind in order to first accomplish and then perfect the movements and postures of the yoga practice.

I shared with the ladies the asana that I was currently working on in my ashtanga third series practice. I have spent several months trying to perfect Urdvha Kukkutasana (translated as “upward rooster”), which is a series of three postures requiring a great deal of “bandha” (interior body lock) strength.

After finishing the third pose, one of the girls says ”you could probably take us all out”. I am continually amazed by the honesty of the comments by these women in transition in their lives. She had observed the power that is generated in yoga, strength that does not come from bulging muscles but from focus and form.

I explained that if we can get past our ego, and observe through “witness consciousness” what the asana teaches us about our physical selves, we will succeed in connecting mind-body-spirit. Several of the girls have an “aha! moment” and compare the yoga asanas to the 12 Steps of Recovery.

One of the pregnant women came up to me and stated that she really wants to stop smoking. She looks up at me and asks: “What can I do?”. I tell her that she must get herself centered right before she starts to smoke. Then say to yourself:

No Guilt, No Judgment, No Shame.

I told her to light a candle in a ceremonial ritual and breathe in. Then, when she lights the cigarette, to be present as the smoke is inhaled into her lungs and be aware of the sensations as it moves through her body. Without distraction, be one with the smoke as she inhales and exhales again.

No Guilt, No Judgment, No Shame.

Tears were streaming down her face. She understands that there is a beautiful baby growing and developing inside her. To honor herself and her child, she must honor her body. She knows that I am not judging her actions, just wanting her to focus on what is best for her health and future.

I have everyone working on Bakasana, the “crow pose”. It requires balance, and builds confidence and self-esteem as you master it. One of the girls who has struggled and resisted it for months has just nailed it and the group cheers. I am so excited that I am jumping up and down and clapping. I run to my car so I can take a picture of her and how incredible she looks. She can barely speak because of her emotions at the moment. I want her to truly feel the success that she has worked for.

As we near the end, I demonstrate the importance of the alignment of the “hasta” (hands) and ”pada” (feet). I stand on my mat and recite the Sanscrit prayers that begin and end my practice. They have become very interested in the spiritual side of yoga, which again connects them with the primal and mystical aspects of yoga.

I bring my hands to namaste, center myself, and after several deep breaths, close my eyes and chant the prayers. ”Om…” (or “aum”), which is comes from “aumkara” (om syllable), translated from Sanskrit to mean “that which is sounded out loudly”. I open my eyes and can feel their energy, as if they have been enlightened from within.

“How did you learn that?”, they asked. I explain the meaning behind the words in the prayers and invite them to learn and memorize it. I close with meditation and we end a beautiful session with insight and connection. I know in my heart that yoga is changing these young women’s lives.

Namaste, Jennifer Miller

The Importance Of Yoga’s “Mind-Body Connection” For The Women At The Recovery House

By Jennifer Miller 

       I am greeted by the Director of the Recovery House as I walk in. She gives me the “heads up” that a new girl will be joining the class and might be a challenge. I thank her and am soon swept up in the activity of children, babies and moms all bustling about.

I brought some props to help the pregnant women with some of the poses. The group has been difficult to mentor and teach because the girls are in such varied conditions and states: pregnant, postpartum and mothers with newborn and very young babies. As usual the returnees are chatty and excited to see me.

The “new girl” is sitting on the couch and does not join the other girls whose mats are set up and ready to start. She looks emaciated, with bad and rotted teeth, acne, and sickly. I look into her eyes, which are the windows to her soul, and when I smile I see her respond.

I ask gently:  ”Would like to join us?” She gets up slowly, and with a startlingly sunken chest, drags herself to her mat.

We start off with Surya Namaskara (Sun Salutation), where I demonstrate what the movement and breathing look like. The other girls are very accepting of her, and the group’s collective excitement and humor once again unfolds. I feel grateful to know that I might make a difference in there lives.

The ladies always have medical questions during the class. One pregnant girl has placenta previa, which, I tell her, I had with the birth of my second son. I reassure her that her baby has every chance to be born healthy. She is very heart-centered and I tell her to think thoughts of love and have confidence that all will be well.

I am quickly asked if flax-seed will make a recently pregnant woman’s stomach flat. “I wish it was that easy…”. I share with everyone the benefits of my health shake, and will bring copies of the recipe next week.

Moving through more poses, I can see the new girl is a natural yogini, with good flexibility and form. She tells me that her mom is a yoga teacher and was constantly telling her that yoga would help her get off her heroin habit. I am stunned as she opens up about her drug addictions but must refocus the group on the yoga practice.

The topic of mindfulness comes up as one of the girls tells the group that she often feels dizzy and sick during yoga. I explain to everyone the importance of a mind-body connection, where we must listen to and nurture our bodies. She reflects briefly and then states that she smokes, eats poorly and has been abusing her body for years.

This is so often the case with not only addicts, but many of us who do not nourish and take care of our bodies. The topic of the moon and a woman’s cycle comes up. I tell them that ideally we would want to menstruate during a “new moon”, as it is a time to go inward and truly nurture ourselves.  We need to listen to our souls and ask: ”What do I need right now?”. By listening, we will have fewer hormonal difficulties.

In centuries past, the new moon was a time when women connected, helping to “lift the burdens of life” off one another’s shoulders. This communal gathering allowed for a replenishment and revitalization of souls and spirits. 

Today, we still must listen and slow down in order to honor ourselves. The full moon is a time to celebrate and rejoice our womanhood. I told them the first step is to recognize when there are moon days. I will bring them a moon calendar so they have awareness, which is always the first step of our journey. .

At the end of the class, while preparing for meditation, the new girl says she feels so much better and really liked it. I feel so grateful that my own journey has brought me to a place that I can be with women who have been in jail, on the streets, and are in the depths of heavy drug abuse and feel completely connected! Life has given me a great gift, and although it has been a tough journey that has involved addictions with my sons, I have grown as a woman and can now share the gift.

My oldest son is coming up on 3 years of sobriety on Oct. 1 and I am so PROUD! It was difficult to see anything positive coming from the pain I had for him, but I can now see how special this experience has been. He has become an incredible young man. Thank you, son, for this journey, and for the fact that I can be here for these women.

Namaste, Jennifer Miller

“Women Must Break The Chains Of Attachment And Denial To Find Happiness” By Jennifer Miller

“Attachment is the origin, the root of suffering; hence it is the cause of suffering.”
.
  “The Dalai Lama at Harvard: Lectures on the Buddhist Path to Peace” (1988)
.
I have personally known many women who were trapped in unhappy marriages or relationships, and chose to stay in those often abusive relationships because it at least provided them with a sense of financial security and stability. These women, and many like them, have become “attached” to these relationships and lifestyles, and are suffering and miserable as a result.
.
So much of our unhappiness is caused by attachment to things, people, images and even “visions of ourselves”. It starts with wanting and desiring and can progress to craving and obsessing. Becoming prisoners, “in” relationships and marriages and “of” things, women often try to numb the pain and suffering, ”living in denial” as they attempt to escape “their” reality.
.
I will be writing more on “attachment”,  with unhappiness, suffering and ”living in denial” as a result. I was married to an abusive man who destroyed our family life and financial security through drug, alcohol and sexual addictions. But I made the painful decision to leave him, divorce, and raise my children on my own. Through my yoga practice and spiritual studies, I was able to stabilize and make decisions that have benefitted my life and family.
.
The value of living a healthy life, free of craving “things” and being grateful each day for what I have are the secret to being happy. I seek to help women through very tough times in their lives by “going there” and learning to how to break the chains of attachment. I want to use the gift of my life experiences to assist women in coping with substance abuse and addictions in loved ones. And finally, help women transform their body, mind and spirit through their essential soul’s wisdom.
.
Namaste, Jennifer Miller

Thoughts On My Day With Young Women In A Recovery Home….

I walked into the substance abuse recovery home, filled with young women in various stages of recovery.  Some were pregnant and some were with young children. Many had tattoos and were smoking.  The “younger” me might have stood there “in judgement”; the older, and wiser woman walked in with open arms of love and support,  knowing that I could make a difference in their lives.  I want to teach them yoga and connect them with their body, mind and spirit.

I had to first prove myself to them to be accepted into their tribe.  I showed them two asanas that were quite difficult. There was a hush in the room and I felt that I had mad a good start. I shared with them that I almost lost my son to drug addiction. I could tell they were pretty “shut down” emotionally and not ready to go there. I would not judge them and so I moved forward.
 
 
I had noticed immediately that the girls wanted to sexualize every posture. This told me that they were very detached from their bodies. I went along with their humor. I knew that they began to see that their bodies could work for them rather than against them.
 
 
Some of the girls were laughing which was another distraction, but eventually they were able to come back to the present moment. I feel that having hope for the future is incredibly important. Though some were mothers, or soon to be mothers, the girls were still young and immature.  I gave them all a candle and a stone and shared a story about manifestation and intention.  I asked the girls to put a wish into the Universe. I led them through a meditation which they all seemed to enjoy and they began to relax, until one of the girl’s pants caught on fire.
 
 
We gathered in a circle and I shared what Namaste meant. We all put our hands in prayer and bowed. I thanked them and as I looked around, they thanked me from their hearts. I could feel sincere gratitude. I had given a little bit of my heart and made a difference in a few of the young girl’s lives.
 
 
My prayer for these girls is, first, that they can connect with their body, mind and spirit . Second, to have hope for the future. Third, that they will be able to mother these babies and pass on the gift of unconditional love. Finally, that they can forgive themselves and love the beautiful woman that they are.
 
I thank yoga for all that it has given me and give thanks for the gift of my practice.
Namaste, Jennifer